i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
