i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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