you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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