So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Randomize
