Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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