textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
