the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
