i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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