If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm at about main and main street
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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