There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
