Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
