the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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