dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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