He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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