How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
