Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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