I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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