You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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