True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Randomize
