dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
