I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
