I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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