Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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