I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
