I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
