how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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