i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Randomize
