how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
