He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
