why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
