I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
