Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
