do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize