just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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