he wants to bone in the snuggie
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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