WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
