your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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