i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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