i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
