u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
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