my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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