Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
