Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
