My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
