its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
