Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
