were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
