i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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