So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
