the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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