Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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