I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
