Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
