I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
