I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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