Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
