But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
