I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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