if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize