Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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