And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
