Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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