they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
