You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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