BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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