I didn't shave. On purpose
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
jump out the window naked night went bad
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